Dear women at my workplace,
There are 8 stalls in the restroom. On top of that, it’s not exactly a happenin’ place. When I go in there, there is rarely someone else in there, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it crowded in any capacity. So why is it that almost every time I go and someone else comes in, that person slams ass down right next to me? I would venture to say that this happens, if not once a day, at least three, four times a week and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. I have varied my stall selection (I could maybe understand if it was happening when I was in the first stall or two, because of the emergency factor), but no. I don’t go at the same time every day, but I guess that’s irrelevant because I know it’s not just one person, and I don’t even think it’s the same two or three, it’s a wide variety of you people. Seriously, what gives? Do you like my shoes? Is this some sort of insurance policy in case you run out of toilet paper? Do I give off some sort of air (lol bathroom puns) of camaraderie? Because honestly, I’m considering going on a prune and asparagus breakfast diet so you people give me some space to pee in peace. STOP IT.